The Fuzzy Mic
After retiring from a 30-year, major market morning radio career, I'm often asked what I miss the most about the job. I miss 3 C's...camaraderie, creativity but most of all, conversation.
The Fuzzy Mic is built around creativity and conversation to develop camaraderie. The 4 focus areas are: Mental Health, True Crime, Music and Sports.
So, while The Fuzzy Mic allows me to fill some professional voids, it's my sincere hope that maybe you'll find something personally fulfilling in it too.
The Fuzzy Mic
Heroism in Tragedy: Todd Blyleven’s Journey Through Chaos and Healing
What drives a person to run towards danger when everyone else is fleeing? Join us in this eye-opening episode as we sit down with Todd Blyleven, former Major League Baseball player and son of Hall of Famer Bert Blyleven, who faced unimaginable terror and emerged a hero during the tragic Route 91 Harvest Music Festival mass shooting in Las Vegas. Todd shares candid insights about the chaos that unfolded that night and his heroic efforts to save lives, a decision that left him grappling with severe PTSD. This episode also takes a nostalgic turn as Todd reminisces about his unique upbringing—one filled with legendary baseball figures and memorable nicknames bestowed upon him by icons like Willie Stargell.
How does one cope with the aftermath of such a life-altering event? Todd opens up about the emotional rollercoaster he experienced following the Las Vegas shooting. From moments of sheer panic to the heartwarming reunion with a loved one that helped him find solace, Todd's story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. We delve into the harrowing details of his bravery amidst the chaos and the profound impact these experiences have had on his mental and emotional well-being. Through Todd’s narrative, we gain a deeper understanding of the immediate onset of PTSD and the surreal atmosphere that followed the tragedy.
Building mental resilience and navigating trauma are complex journeys, and Todd's experiences offer invaluable lessons. This episode highlights the strength and compassion required to overcome such adversities, drawing from Todd’s background in sports and his encounters with trauma response professionals. Todd shares powerful stories of heroism and the importance of familial support, especially his father’s unwavering pride and compassion. He also emphasizes the significance of continuous learning and mental strength, sharing techniques to manage anxiety and stress. Tune in to hear Todd’s inspiring efforts to help others through his podcast and website, and learn how you, too, can build resilience and find happiness amidst life's challenges.
Fuzzy, fuzzy Mike. Yeah, fuzzy, you can take you with them on a bus or train, on a highway or on a plane backstage, or on a bike. It's Kevin Kline's Fuzzy Mike.
Speaker 2:Hello and thank you for joining me on another episode of the Fuzzy Mike. If you're new to the podcast, welcome. I appreciate you checking it out. If you're new to the podcast, welcome. I appreciate you checking it out. If you're a returning Fuzzy Mike family member, you know that I record my episodes in advance of their release date, which is always on Tuesdays. Today is a significant date for my guest. On this day, seven years ago, his life and the lives of 50,000-plus other people changed forever.
Speaker 2:On October 1, 2017, todd Bleileven and his wife Kathy were enjoying themselves at the Route 91 Harvest Music Festival in Las Vegas. Shortly after the headliner, country musician Jason Aldean, took the stage, gunfire erupted from a window on the 32nd floor of the Mandalay Bay Hotel, which was across the street from the concert. A lone gunman fired more than 1,000 rounds, killing 60 and wounding well over 400. The ensuing panic brought the total number of injured to approximately 870. The incident is still the deadliest mass shooting committed by an individual in United States history.
Speaker 2:Amidst the chaos, todd Blylevin made sure that his wife and family made it to safety. When they were safe. Well then, so was he. But this former Major League Baseball player, the son of former Major League Baseball player, the son of a Major League Baseball Hall of Famer, wasn't finished helping people to safety, going back in over 30 times to rescue people. It's a decision that has left him with severe PTSD and that's why I wanted to talk with Todd, and we eventually talk about October 1st 2017, and his constant battle with the emotional scars of that night. But first I needed to talk about nicknames, because he and his dad have two of the all-time greatest, and I also wanted to know what it was like being in the dugout as a seven-year-old with Dave Parker, kent Ticolvi, hall of Famer Willie Stargell and Todd's Hall of Fame dad, herb Lyleven.
Speaker 3:It's cool. I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 2:Thanks, man. Well, I got to admit you have two of the greatest nicknames ever ever given in sports. Talk about how you got your nickname from the 1979 Pittsburgh Pirates.
Speaker 3:Well, you know, that's my dad, my dad. I know that's my dad, my dad.
Speaker 2:I know, but you were tomato face.
Speaker 3:Oh, my God, yeah. Okay, I thought you were talking about Burt B Holt by 11. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, that's the greatest one that Chris Berman ever came up with, don't you think?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so tomato face Willie Stargell actually gave that to me. Yeah, that's awesome, yeah. So I was seven years old, had bright red hair, freckles, everything, and one day he just started saying, hey, you know what tomato face he goes? That's what you look like to me. He goes you look like a big old tomato and it just stuck. And then Phil Gardner and Dave Parker and all the guys were like all right, tomato face and that was just my nickname for probably up until I was in high school. And then they started calling me Little Bly, chris Berman called me Todd, be Home by 1130, which was kind of cool, yeah. But yeah, willie Stargell started that.
Speaker 2:And you just throw these names around like you know they're best friends and they were at that time for you at a seven names around. Like you know they're best friends and they were at that time for you at a seven-year-old.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they were my buddies, my uncles, my pals. They were my resource to learning all about girls or you know anything. And so, yeah, it was, it was my dad. I was really lucky. My dad took me around everywhere with him. You know, I was just joined at the hip, so it was awesome.
Speaker 2:What was it like watching T'Kolby.
Speaker 3:Well, when I was young, I mean he looked like he was eight foot tall because he's super thin right. So I never understood how that guy could pitch, because he's like gawky anyways. But when he would come down and underneath, I mean, who didn't want to be Kent T'Kolby playing wiffle ball or anything else?
Speaker 2:So we did it all the time, man that was what we wanted yeah exactly yeah, he was just awesome to watch. Yeah, nobody had ever seen anything like that. No, I hadn't anyway.
Speaker 3:No, not at all. I mean Eckersley later, right, I mean he was pretty. Yeah, yeah, it was amazing.
Speaker 2:We're talking to Todd Bly 11, his dad hall of fame, major league pitcher for 22 seasons. Bert Bly 11, uh, Chris Berman on ESPN gave him the nickname be home, Bly 11. One of the greatest, if not the greatest of ever. Uh, but you know, you actually had somewhat of a major league baseball career too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was an up and down guy, you know. Played for a little under seven years Angels, pirates, milwaukee, all around the country and then went into, you know, major league scouting. So I became a scout for eight years after that, which was awesome.
Speaker 2:How difficult was it to try and live up to what your father had achieved?
Speaker 3:Oh geez, I mean, you know, growing up he was just another dad to me, right? Of course, my friends I always knew my dad had major importance. They always wanted to go to the ballpark with me, no matter where I was at. You know, I think right around middle school I sort of realized that some of my friends were friends with me just because of the benefits of being associated with me.
Speaker 3:But it wasn't until high school when, all of a sudden, I remember I think I had struck out like 15 in a game and somebody kept referencing Burt Blyleven's kid Burt Blyleven's kid and I'm'm like I'm standing right here, I am dominating. You know, this game you guys aren't even able to touch me. It's me, you know. And so I started to kind of start lash out a little bit, create my own identity. Um, I think that was the hard part.
Speaker 3:But you know, when I got into it's probably my second year in college um, I started to embrace that who I was and that I was my dad's son and I started to really learn more from him and his, his teachings. I always learned from guys like Nolan Ryan and Frank Viola and all these, you know, the Marcel Latchmans, which is one of the greatest pitching coaches of all time and I'd always learn from all those people. And I was like learn from all those people. And I was like locked in, right. But when my dad would talk to me about pitching I'd be like all right, whatever, you're my dad.
Speaker 3:But right around my sophomore year in college is when I started to really ask him questions and dive into the mental aspect of the game and I think that's when that whole kind of Bly Levin persona I embraced it at that point. And when I got into professional baseball, you know, I knew I wasn't going to be able to live up to his accolades. I mean, let's face it, he's a Hall of Famer. He did incredible things. Not everybody can do that, but I just tried to be the best pitcher I could be and you know the comparisons were what they were. I learned how to live with those, you know.
Speaker 2:When you ended up giving up your career as a baseball player? How did that mess with your identity?
Speaker 3:A lot. You know my whole version of what I valued as success with going out. I had been on the baseball field my entire life, so it wasn't like I was just playing Little League and I had some breaks. I was on the baseball field my entire life, from the highest level possible. And when I remember that drive home, I was in Stockton, California, and I was driving home and I realized the night before I struck out the side I had a dominant game. I walked away on my terms. I was missing the family part of my life. I really wanted to kind of dive into the what I called the real world. I had different expectations on how that was going to go.
Speaker 3:And when I all of a sudden started working, and I'm doing I'm delivering water or I'm cleaning carpets, or I'm just trying to, started working and I'm doing I'm delivering water or I'm cleaning carpets or I'm just trying to, whatever, I was a waiter. At one point I'm like how do I? I'm so miserable, Like I I'm not striking someone out, I don't get that Gatorade poured on me, I'm not getting that celebration, I'm not getting the talk after the game from the coaches. There's, it was all gone. And at that point, I really went into a deep depression of trying to redefine myself, and it wasn't up until really 2017 until I realized I don't need to define myself as a major league baseball player or a former athlete. I needed to embrace who I am today, as a father and a good person in society, and I have a message to share with people to help them stand back up for themselves.
Speaker 3:And so it was a long journey, Kevin, on how to try to redefine that success. You know when you're in the boardroom, nobody's patting you on the ass to say, hey, great board meeting man, Like high five to you. You know you're not running to say, hey, great, great board meeting man, Like high five to you. You know you're not running down the hall going, yeah, sliding or anything. So it was just different.
Speaker 2:But yeah, well, the one thing that you didn't mention about believing baseball was did you miss the competition and the camaraderie?
Speaker 3:Oh, a hundred percent. I mean you know you can't. You can't replicate that. I think that's the greatest part about playing sports is you're going to lose, but you're losing as a team, right. And then there's this next day that comes, where you're grinding or you're hitting the weights or you're running harder or you're trying to perfect your craft because it means something to the team. And then the aftermath, the celebrations, the just being around your pals I mean it's just such a great, great time. You know, whether you're playing high school or college or professionally, like I did, playing sports was just amazing. So, yeah, you do miss it a lot.
Speaker 2:As a scout which you were and you got a World Series ring from the Anaheim Angels at the time. You signed a lot of Major League Baseball players, including Troy Tulewitzki. When you see them sign their contract, how does that compare to your own?
Speaker 3:It was cool. I mean, you know that was the one thing I always enjoyed with being a scout was being able to be fully transparent with families, understanding that they you know I've gone through what they are going through. In terms of the athlete perspective. I know how my parents handled my draft, which was not the greatest just because my dad was a big leaguer, you know, and never really spent time in the minor leagues, and my mom didn't really have much touch of reality in terms of that whole process that players were going through and at that time because my dad was in the big leagues at 19. So I didn't have much guidance there. So I wanted to be able to make sure that I provided the guidance and so when it came time for me to sign, a guy like Troy Tulewitzki or Ian Stewart, for example, first rounder out of the Keen High School, ended up having a pretty good career, you know, I embraced the celebration.
Speaker 3:That was the funnest part, right being in there watching that athlete sign the contract. I still get goosebumps on it right now just thinking about it, because you're seeing the parents and all the time and the effort and just everything that they pour in the sacrifice, the family, the joy around the athlete, and the athlete just knows okay, I'm ready to take this on. So yeah, really, really cool stuff, man. I really loved it.
Speaker 2:The ring has played a major significance in your life. We are seven years removed today I guess the biggest life-altering episode you've ever had.
Speaker 3:Yeah, most definitely, Absolutely life-changing, you know. So you talk about the ring itself. You know the World Series ring. My dad has two of them and now he's got a Hall of Fame ring too.
Speaker 3:But that World Series ring was really really special because it spoke about defining success. And as a scout you're grinding 24-7. I've got papers up on the walls of all the players and prospects and you're doing your best and you're made to feel like you are and because you are part of the draft and who, the success of your minor league teams to your big league teams. So that year in 2002 with the Angels was really special because you know, I was doing advanced coverage, had some players, Like it was just awesome. I was down in the clubhouse and you got a chance to be a part of that journey. And when Bill Stoneman was up in that GM office and he opens up that mahogany box and it's glass top right and we're in California, so the sun's shining through his office and this thing is like just glistening. I mean it's just sparkling rubies, diamonds, all these things, gold and you put that ring on and it's just there. It is right. I made it through the grind of the post player part. Now I'm embracing what baseball can provide to me as an operational scout baseball operations, business side, right. So I wore that ring out a lot and a lot of times when we go to Vegas, you know, of course, you got the bling right. So it's big, it's a giant ring. Yeah, I'd wear it. People would ask questions, I'd talk about the ring and lead into me talking about a player, me being a player, and it was a lot of fun, you know, a lot of conversation. It was always positive.
Speaker 3:Um, unfortunately, in in uh, 2017, on on this day, uh, you know, uh, my wife and I and 18 others were at a country concert called route 91, uh music fest and, uh, you know, we went through a couple of different days. I was also going through a lot with my wife at the time and trying to rekindle a marriage that had been derailed at times. So, personally, you know, I'm trying my best to define who I was in the corporate space. I was removed from the scouting side because I wanted to be a present stay-at-home dad, in terms of being home nine to five for my kids, which I really enjoyed. I would do that all over again, but there we are. We're, you know, at this concert and we're having an absolute blast and things are just super positive.
Speaker 3:It's been a fun couple of days and and uh, uh madman, on the 32nd floor, across the street, as we all know, uh shot down on 26,000 people and we were right in the first kill zone of that unfortunate craziness. And so, to just keep it super short and I'll get to the ring part, I was able to get my family out super fast and, thank God, I was able to recognize where the shooting was coming from in that first round and got my family out. And once we were out and we were safe outside the gate on Giles Street, I made a choice, after helping somebody lay a woman down that had passed, to run back in. And so I sent my wife and my family north to as far away as possible, told them to run, kissed my wife and told her I love her and I pray that I'll be OK. And I ran back in. And so, after going back and forth multiple times and carrying out people that had been injured under gunfire, being shot at, doing what I could to just keep my boots moving and running I'm a big old target, but somehow I was missed. I did hear bullets fly by me and hit the turf and it was surreal. It was something out of a war movie, but 10 times 100.
Speaker 3:I carried a woman out that was somewhat already gone and I wanted to get her to somebody that could try to help her stay alive, and that was on Giles Street.
Speaker 3:I was picking people up, bringing them out, throwing them over my shoulder, carrying them in my arms.
Speaker 3:I had this woman in my arms I remember her specifically, and I laid her down gently and she passed and a gentleman came up told me what had happened.
Speaker 3:I said I didn't really know her and at that point I looked down and I had my hand on her wayside and I saw my ring and my ring was just staring at me and my ring was just staring and death, and so I turned my ring around and I went back and kept going. When I got home, you know, obviously the ring came off that night when I was, or the next morning, eight hours later, when I was able to actually get into a shower and wipe all the stuff off me, and that I cleaned my ring pretty good, because it had stuff inside it and I put it in a box, in that same mahogany box and it's in my safe and I pray that one day I'll be able to wear that thing again, but for right now it's still sitting in there and it symbolizes my greatness and my success on the baseball side. I just haven't had the opportunity, or really maybe the will, to bring it back out and put it back on my finger, but that's a goal of mine one day.
Speaker 2:You know we were talking about the camaraderie that you have in the clubhouse with your fellow athletes. You look down at that ring when you're helping out the teammates of life that day. I mean that had to be a motivating factor.
Speaker 3:It did. Yeah, there was a moment afterwards. Now I guess the let me take a step back. The inspirational part of that whole night was I ran back in. I was running against the grain. After about a few times I had a couple people that were also going back in and over the course of hours, more and more people came out of hiding and went back in. So when I would go and bring someone out and set them down and I'd stand up and people were throwing water bottles to each other and I was pouring water all over myself just to try to stay hydrated and re-energized, I would look down up and down Giles Street and thousands of people were on top of hundreds of people that had been injured. And it was I mean, I get goosebumps now it was absolutely motivating and inspiring Human mankind from all walks of life just helping people in need, and it was incredible and it gave me energy time and time again. I'm also a huge faith believer and I believe that I was not alone that night. There's no way I missed in those line of sight, unless I was helped in some way. But the end of my eight-hour journey, I disarmed a man with a knife.
Speaker 3:We were over at Tropicana trying to look for a shooter, because we were told there was a shooter in the building. And we're protecting 250 plus people in this hallway, all these crazy things. I'm knocking the door down, we're trying to identify where we're finding people that are just huddled on top of each other because they're hiding everywhere. But at the end of the night I'm in this ballroom and that's where SWAT had kind of congregated everybody and I'm laying down because SWAT had just told me sir, you can stand down, and I'm down on the ground and I must have had my hand kind of this way and my head was pounding.
Speaker 3:I had a girl going and she was trying to find me Advil, I'm covered in stuff from carrying injured victims out, so my hat, my everything, my clothes, and this older woman behind me says did you play in the World Series? And it just completely like shifted everything and she started talking to me. She knew where my mind was. Everybody knew what I had just done, because there were a lot of people coming up and thanking me and all these things. And she completely shifted my focus from what I just encountered to, yes, I was a scout, I played professionally, and she started asking me baseball questions and it really brought me back to okay, I'm okay. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm not cut. At one point I thought I was shot and the whole thing, but I'm okay. Now it's just more of a focus to get back to my wife. But, yeah, that ring has had a lot of significance throughout many aspects of my life.
Speaker 2:Well, not only did that woman start kind of getting your mind off of what you had just gone through, I believe somebody that was associated with your dad in the 1979 Pittsburgh Pirates actually called you who was a combat veteran.
Speaker 3:So the story? Well, his name is, his name is Lee, and it was actually an association through baseball. But, yes, he was a combat veteran did three tours. When I got back to Las three tours. When I got back to las vegas, or when I got back to dallas the next day, we took a flight out. Um, I was lost. You know, I'm supposed to go pick up my kids. My son was playing in a baseball game, my daughter was with him and the family that was watching them and, uh, I'm supposed to go back to work.
Speaker 3:And so Lee called me up and said hey, brother, this is who I am, I'm a friend of your dad's. I said yes, sir, I know who you are. He told me exactly for 30 seconds. He told me a story that was relatable to what I experienced, not to that capacity, but he experienced death. He experienced holding death. He knew what I was going to be going through and he gave me a 72 hour, basically survival guide of knowing your speech is going to be stuttered, you're going to have nightmares, you're going to have headaches that are going to pound. You need to be able to talk about it. And he gave me a resource, a pal that I can talk with and he was there and all my first responder buddies Chad Verd out of Northern California is a firefighter, he came to me right away.
Speaker 3:Brian Wood, former FBI terrorist task force and Southern California police officer, mark Maldonado, lapd all these different great friends that I had started coming out and sharing their stories of adversity and resilience and just started to empower me with how to kind of stand up for myself again or at least start to compartmentalize what was going on with me. And I, of course, I tried to do it all on my own because that's how we were raised right no blood, no foul. Stand up, stand back up, deal with it. But at one point I just realized I can't do this on my own and I'm going to break.
Speaker 3:I was at that breaking point. I was having nightmares all the time, you know, waking up, grabbing my wife's leg, screaming at people to get down. I couldn't go anywhere and it was just horrible. And I got led into a therapist by the name of Diane and she specialized in EMDR therapy, which I was told by Chad and all these guys to go to, lee included, and it was a godsend. So I went through a couple therapists to find somebody that was relatable finally found my angel, diane, and a year and a half later she was awesome.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm familiar with EMDR. Before we get into that, I want to ask you what was that reunion like with you and Kathy that night on October 1st, morning of October 2nd union like with you and Kathy.
Speaker 3:That night on October 1st, morning of October 2nd. Oh so there I am in Tropicana, just been told by two SWAT officers that I could stand down. I'm on the ground. I stood back up, I went to the restroom, came back, I'm laying there. That's when I had the conversation with the woman about my ring, and it wasn't about. Probably an hour later they started to excuse everybody. So now I've got 1% battery life on my phone and I am trying to track where she's at, because I don't know where she's at still.
Speaker 3:I was able to talk with her for about 15 seconds as we went from the venue, ran over. There was about four of us. We heard that people needed help over behind Tropicana. They had like an ambulance Uber line going on. There were hundreds of people over there that had been injured, loading people in. So we ran over. At that point I'm on the phone with Kathy. When I first arrived on scene, at that point I'm on the phone with Kathy when I first arrived on scene and I'm asked are you OK? She was basically in a condominium at the Desert Rose Resort where three, four gentlemen came out and told 25 people hey, come in here. We're going to guard this place up, because you thought the whole world was under attack. So these four brave individuals were, you know, protected everybody that was inside there. So these four brave individuals protected everybody that was inside there. So she was protected, thank God.
Speaker 3:And so there I am now fast forward to the next morning and I'm laying there and they're starting to let us get out. And I just wanted to get back to Kathy and I've got 1% battery life left. I know she's somewhere behind the casino, so now I've got to walk to get to her. But what's above me it's all the different casinos, and so I'm scared to death, kevin. I've never been that scared in my entire life, thinking that the sight of some weapon is on me and going to take me out because of everything I did. And I'm finally going to get hit.
Speaker 3:After all this time and running through and putting my life on the line so many times, my luck is up and I'm walking and I'm trying to like get to her. And so I text her and said I know where you're at, I'm coming right now, meet me in the lobby. And so I got to her and it was something out of a movie where I walked through the front. She and her brother and his wife are walking through the back, by the pool entrance and we meet right by the desk and we kiss, and that kiss, the embrace, just was everything. It took away all the pain. It took away all the nightmarish crap that I went through and just I knew that she was safe.
Speaker 3:That was a huge thing on my on my mind too, going through all that, but I also felt just. I felt alive again and so, yeah, the journey to get back to where we were staying at the Venetian was quite a journey, you know, in itself. But when I got back, you know, I was able to take my shower and we had a couple of friends that were with us in that night, that were really worried about me, came over, we embraced and yeah, I was just there. I mean, I think there's some news coverage of me getting back into Dallas. Her and I, and we're just, you know, we didn't leave each other's side. I didn't, you know, I had her, I think, probably the entire way, just thinking, okay, there's going to be another situation that happens, you're not going anywhere now, but yeah, it was really, really, it was a beautiful moment.
Speaker 2:So a couple of things about that. Number one this happened right outside of the Mandalay Bay. The Venetian is cleared on the other side of of the of the strip and you said, before you even got out of the Tropicana to go meet up with your wife Kathy, that you're already looking up and seeing, you know, trying to find if you're going to be the next one. That's immediate PTSD. Yeah, it set in that quickly, huh.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it really did. Well, I mean, I probably carried 30, some odd people after everyone kind of reached out over the course of a year or so telling me hey, thank you, you carried me out, you carried my friend out, you came in, picked them up. There was a lot that went on Getting shot at while I was waving people out. I'd never experienced anything like that. I mean literally at one point when we're in Tropicana again, we're trying to protect 250 people or so that are in the back entrance in the service areas in this long hallway, and there were two other corridors that went right and left. So three guys went down the right side. Us other three guys went down the left side and the goal was to try to break through doors to find an active shooter or somebody, just to eliminate threats, because we were in a. We didn't want to get, you know, flanked or anything else from someone because there were all these people. So you're hitting all these things. And I handed my wallet to the EMT, the off duty EMT guy that was with me. I said, here, just take this, because if I get shot you guys better take him out, but at least you know who I am. And so you think about all the stuff that you did. I wrestled a guy with a knife, taking him down and disarmed him because he was wheeling it around, and just some crazy guy that was scared, probably out of his mind. But all the stuff that happened, and you know you put your life on the line for everything.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that coming out of that, that Tropicana was extremely scary. When I looked to the left, I could see all the fire, fire, fires. I mean I still get very emotional talking about it now, which is fine, but I looked down and you could see the chaos and it was consumed. I mean, it was all red lights everywhere flashing everywhere, and I was right in the middle of all of that. And so when I went right, and so when I went right, all of a sudden it was quiet and it was just me on that road. You know, you look down Vegas Boulevard, there was nothing, nobody was out. They blocked the whole strip, so it was like walking into Zombieland or something, and you're just by yourself. And every step I took, like I mentioned, I think, because it was so silent and the chaos was left behind, I felt like it was my time and I was going to get hit and there was somebody that was going to come out and hit me. I never felt that unsafe before my armor was completely stripped. You know, and I think, as I started to get closer and probably the embrace and the kiss and then being around other people gave me, gave me safety and it built.
Speaker 3:It took me a long time to get to a point where I'm where I am today, where, you know, I still sit up against the back of the wall when I'm in places, if I'm in church or if I go to a point where I am today where I still sit up against the back of the wall when I'm in places, if I'm in church or if I go to a restaurant, I'm identifying exit points. I'm looking at higher elevations for opportunities for bad people to do things. I'm understanding what I can do to get the people I'm with out, get myself out, eliminate the threat if possible, if I can, I go through all of that within the first five to 10 seconds of no matter where I go now. And the other part I'm okay with is, you know, I've learned how to be vulnerable and more approachable in this too, so I'm not afraid if I'm at a big baseball conference, for example, and somebody might be saying something and my mind completely went somewhere else, or I'm feeling my trauma kind of come up on me, that PTSD that I let them know.
Speaker 3:Hey, I'm just going to let you know I have PTSD, I've suffered with some traumatic trauma and I'm just kind of I feel my anxiety coming up a little bit. So I'm going to go ahead, I'm just going to step away for a second and refocus myself and then I'll come back to you and people are like, okay, and when I come back all of a sudden, you know they probably Googled me. And then they're like, oh, my God, are you okay? Like let's go outside, you know, and it's cool because that's like the compassionate part of people, right, when you're open and honest, like nobody wants to be a jerk I don't think I've had anybody go what are you doing? Like just get over it. You know, not to that extent anyway. So it's uh, yeah, I think when the more honest and open I've been with this uh, the more it allows somebody to say, hey, you know what? I've got a story too.
Speaker 2:Well, and that's that's kind of what you do with your podcast I'm going in, which is not only a podcast. It's supposed to be the title of the book that should be coming out, if it's not already, and then it's your uh, your line of clothing. I'm going in with uh that has uh inspirational, uh sayings on hats like rise with strength, and also on on t-shirts and hoodies, and you can get all of that information at Todd Bly 11.com.
Speaker 3:You go to a concert, you think you're going to have a great time, you think you're going there for safety. How violated did you feel after all of this? You know that's one of the parts that I have in my book where you know, going through the therapy that I went through with Diane, it was probably about the third, second or third session that we, you know, we talked about going in and being there. I was dancing with my niece and you can hear the gunfire and then, all of a sudden, the chaos, you know, the machine gun opened up.
Speaker 3:What I realized after talking about that and going through that process was I was stripped of my, my vision of what safety was, my security, my letting myself, my guard down. I didn't go into concerts. Yeah, I've been through a lot of different things. I knew where exit points were but I never really thought, oh my God, this could happen to me. It's only something you see overseas or you hear about every once in a while on the news, but not where it's got an opportunity to hit me personally. So it stripped my entire I guess my entire security kind of around myself, what I always thought about and being safe, my entire safety net away from myself.
Speaker 2:The night that it happens on October 1st, to where you are now. What's the emotional timeline? You know what is it anger at first and then relief, and then you know what is that emotional emotional line.
Speaker 3:I think that I think you go through uh, confusion first. Okay, um, anger didn't set in for quite some time. For me, it was confusion, it was trying to block out what had just happened. So it's a lot of like trying to just forget things and trying to move forward, because life doesn't stop. So all of a sudden, I'm at my office, I'm a dad, I'm bringing my kids to school, I'm trying to like be strong and I was not strong at all, which was an uncharted territory for me. So it was definitely confusion was the biggest part on what was happening to me. Why is this happening to me? And then I went through this phase of why did I do that? I put my life on the line, with my kids being home, and I could have been killed, and why did I do that? And then comes this empowerment part, when I realized I need help and I'm going to stand back up for myself. The anger part for me really didn't happen for probably months and months after, when I was getting contacted a lot more through Facebook Messenger, different people.
Speaker 3:There was a find your heroes page that people were saying, hey, you need to go on there, someone's looking for you. They just described you as a person. I'd I'd have my picture. I'd be like, well, I don't know if this is me or not, yes, it's you. And there wasn't. There was a post that went up and I ended up talking to this girl and she said, uh, you ran in, you grabbed our friend and all of a sudden you're like running out and we're chasing you and you put her up on a truck and we jumped into the back of the truck with her there were three of them and the truck drove off and I'm like, okay, and they described the injury, which was horrible, on what happened with this girl, and I said I'm really sorry that that happened. You know, thinking that she passed because I had a woman pass my arm, and the girl says, no, she lived, she's alive, yeah. So there was like this uplift moment where I'm like, yes, okay, this is cool. And then all of a sudden I started to get really mad. I was like that girl should have never, ever been in that place. The girls that passed on my arm should have never, ever died.
Speaker 3:And when Kathy and I got a chance, a couple of years later, we would walk through the Garden of Healing in Vegas, we went back and revisited everything, which was really weird. I'm on my walk, going down. You know, it's 58 different memorials through this pathway, beautiful pathway. All the family members were decorating their crosses, their memorials. You're seeing pictures. It's humanizing every single one of those souls. And I got about five in and found one woman that had passed in my arms a couple more down. Here's another one, and then another one. Kathy said I think this is one of the girls you mentioned, and I looked and it was her and the girl with the ring and she was a softball player and and she had a life.
Speaker 3:And at that point that anger comes back out again now. Now, I've never, ever wanted to know anything about the shooter. I don't want to humanize that evil being or any of these people that are doing these horrible things, but I was angry at that black soul. I was angry at that dark shadow of a soul that had their finger on that trigger, thinking it was a good thing to just take people's lives and just cowardly, cowardly, you know. So that's the anger part I got mad at.
Speaker 3:And then I, you know, I learned how to manage that part of it because I didn't put it towards thank God, towards anyone that I know I didn't get irritable enough to get angry at anybody. I learned enough how to trauma map myself through EMDR, which really helped me a ton. But yeah, that was kind of the emotional part. Now I'm on an uplift, I'm on an empowerment trip on just being happy, and every day I wake up I fold my sheets and I just pray that today's a better day than yesterday and that there's just more love in this world. It took a part of me away that I'll never, ever be able to get back and I'll never, ever be able to forget about that instant when life changed and I thought, oh my God, I could die and my whole goal was to get my wife out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember hearing you say in a TED talk that you wanted to stand tall because you're six foot five, 250 pounds and you wanted to take the bullet and protect Kathy and your nieces and everybody else who was with you. So you know, where does that, where does that come from? Where does that belief that that strength come from?
Speaker 3:I think it was the way that I was raised. I have a late grandfather that was a Marine Gunny. He was a long career Marine. My other grandfather was a devil pup. He was a career Navy and so he would go down to Camp Pendleton. And you know, my dad was raised as a tough individual. Just watching him as an athlete, I think the sports competitive side of me I was a tough athlete, you know.
Speaker 3:I pitched with broken ribs and never complained of pain, right, I mean, that was our generation too. We'd fall off a bike, we'd get back up. Yeah, we're bloody, but who cares, we're having fun. I'd fall out of a tree, break my arm, you know, it doesn't matter, you get back up and you keep your boots moving forward. I was a big country guy. I loved rodeo.
Speaker 3:I you know not that I wanted to inflict pain on myself, but in that moment I think that I've always tried to help others and in that given moment my true character rose, where I sacrificed myself mentally for the well-being of my wife and others to live. Given moment that if I fell, that the story would be told, that I fell helping others and not being selfish and just helping myself, and I'm not saying anything about anybody else. You have to do what you have to do in that moment. But my story, the way I was raised, I was built for that to be able to help and go in, and I think that's where my divine faith comes in too.
Speaker 3:Kevin, I think that I look back on what kind of shape I was in back then. I wasn't in the greatest shape. Not like playing shape to lift up 30 dead weight type bodies and run them out consistently with a few sips of water and pouring water over myself as a refresh, to keep doing that over and over consistently for over an hour of just the carrying of people. I wasn't in that, that kind of shape. So I firmly believe that I was.
Speaker 2:It's amazing, though, what adrenaline can do. Adrenaline can that kind of shape, so I firmly believe that I was. It's amazing, though, what adrenaline can do Adrenaline can totally offset lack of shape.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, and I'm strong, don't get me wrong.
Speaker 2:I get it.
Speaker 3:But yeah, I think in that defining moment though you know, I have a lot of people that say, hey, I would have done the same thing. No, you don't know. You know, yes, I'm going to turn around. I'm going to tell you right now, if, god forbid, I'm in that situation again. I know that I'm going to go towards the fight. I know what I need to do, but before all that happened, I also said, yeah, I'm going to do the same thing.
Speaker 3:But I saw a lot of brave people run. I saw a lot of first responders run. I heard stories. First responders guys that were super tough, women that were super tough end up eight stories up behind a bed, you know, protecting themselves in someone else's room. They're knocking on rooms. I mean, people were scattered everywhere because you never know how you're going to react. In that moment I was just I, you know. I praise my dad and my mom for raising me the way they did. I praise my grandparents for raising me the way that they did. I learned my morals and my values there and in the time of absolute need, I was completely proud of myself for putting my life on the line for others.
Speaker 2:Well, I read an article and, to nobody's surprise, kathy says I wasn't surprised that he went back in. Your dad said I'm not surprised that he went back in. Friends of yours have said I'm not surprised. As a matter of fact, it goes all the way back to high school, top lie 11. When you saw a car flip over, you rescued a guy while you were in high school. So that compassionate part of you was born really early.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think so. I think too, being around Major League Baseball athletes or incredible athletes that were always pushing themselves to the limit every single day to try to be the best person they could be, that I, just when that moment of opportunity happened to be able to jump in and do something to help someone else, regardless of the impact it would have on me later in life, it was what I was supposed to do. I mean, I remember, kevin, you know that incident in the Connie Mack World Series in Farmington, new Mexico. You know a guy running down and flying down the highway Well, it was a back road. We were going to someone else's house me and some of my teammates and car flips and it was a big truck and flames were coming up and big old Indian guy. And so I ran in and unbuckled him and pulled him out, you know, and fire came in and everything else. We're like why would you do that? What am I supposed to do? Let the guy burn, like you can't do that. So you know, yeah, could the truck have exploded and I would have died. I wasn't thinking about that at that time, I just wanted to get him out.
Speaker 3:Or when I was scouting, I would come in over the Great Mine from Northern California into Southern California minivan rolled. Family members were in it. It was a mom and a dad, kids and a grandma. And you know I'm driving down right behind him. I see it happening. I go over the curbs total disregard of my truck, slam into where I'm supposed to be, hop out and, thank God someone else was behind me. We're lifting it was on its side, so we're lifting people up. I'm putting the kids in my truck and we're getting the mom and dad out and the grandma airlifted out. I pray to God they lived.
Speaker 3:Not sure about the dad, but just things that you do. I don't want to be that person that keeps driving by. I don't want to be the person that sees something or somebody that needs help and just walk by and ignore them because I need to get to a meeting or I don't want to be involved with it. No BS, make yourself available. You're there for a reason. You're put there for a reason to say something, to do something, to help someone in need. And you know not to say I want everybody to jump into a firefight or you got to protect yourself, but I was just proud that I I was able to do what I did.
Speaker 2:And how much of a sense of satisfaction and, uh, overwhelming pride do you get when your dad says I'm proud of your son?
Speaker 3:That was huge. Um, you know, my dad's always he, you know, he was raised to be the best and he was the best. And we, you know, raised with that no blood, no foul, get over it. And I bring it up. You know, I brought it up in a couple of different interviews, you know when we're sitting at the house. And it was after the shooting. And he said when do you think you're going to get over this? And it was after the shooting and he said when do you think you're going to get over this? And I said, dad, I don't think this is something you just get over.
Speaker 3:And he realized, you know, in that moment too, that it's not. It's not something that his son is just going to be able to think about. Well, other people deal with this too. The son comes up tomorrow. Keep going, you're fine.
Speaker 3:You're not the only one that's gone through this, because not a lot of people go through that and thank God, you know, even though it seems like it's more frequent, but it's still somewhat a small niche of people that experience that and, especially, do what I did and see what I saw. And it put it on a different level playing field to where my dad started showing more compassion and really understood how I was hurt. And that meant a lot to me, and not just from a. I knew my dad would always be there, my dad would die for me, my dad would do anything for me and to help me. But I knew at that point that my dad would do anything mentally and emotionally for me at that point and, um, it was big. Uh, it really means a lot. He says you know, I'm proud of your son all the time. Um, and it's not just because of what I did in Vegas, it's because of the man that I am.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Because of my character, right, and that's what makes me super happy and excited that.
Speaker 2:Fulfilled.
Speaker 3:Fulfilled, validated.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah for sure. You were raped of your innocence. You were raped of your comfort. You were raped of your security on October 1st 2017. I have listeners to the Fuzzy Mike who have been sexually raped, who have been emotionally raped. They suffer PTSD. What do you say to them? How can they overcome the trauma that they have experienced? Or can they?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think that you can overcome it. I think you can learn how to live with it. I think you can. I call it like trauma mapping, so you recognize yes, I've had this trauma. Something really bad happened to me. I'm going to embrace that. I'm going to keep it out in front of me. I'm going to know that it's there. I'm going to walk with it in my life, with it being out in front of me. I'm going to know that it's there. I'm going to walk with it in my life, with it being out in front of me, and I'm going to learn as an individual now how I can take my next step forward, whether it's going into a grocery store, whether it's getting into a new relationship, whether it's doing whatever it is that sometimes brings that trauma back on towards you. I'm going to learn what those spidey senses feel like and if I can learn more about myself and keep that trauma out in front of me, I'm going to, all of a sudden start seeing life in a more beautiful light. It revitalizes you, it gives you new purpose, knowing that you can walk with this. It's not going to conquer you. You're going to learn how to keep this spatial gap between you and your trauma.
Speaker 3:And when that starts to come back like when I get into a crowded place and I feel like, okay, I'm feeling it come on I can feel my anxiety come up. I can feel the back of my throat getting knotted, I'm starting to stutter speeches, I can't think super clear. I'm going to remove myself for about five minutes. I'm going to go into a bathroom where it's quiet. I'm going to get to a safe spot for me. I know where those are at now because I've learned those over the course of seven years, and so when I re-approach that scene, I'm in a much more better place. I'm in a protected place. I've got my security fence up around me. I have my body armor on. Maybe I didn't have my helmet on, maybe I didn't have my chest protector on, maybe I didn't have my sword. Whatever that is to you, I have it now.
Speaker 3:Now I'm able to step back into that environment a little bit more comfortable and calm and collected, and I think that's the biggest into that environment a little bit more comfortable and calm and collected, and I think that's the biggest advice that I could probably give to somebody that's dealing with trauma or has had a horrible situation happen in their life. You have to embrace it. Unfortunately, it's never going to go away. So trauma, map it. Map that, how you navigate to get to that trauma and how that trauma navigates itself to get to you.
Speaker 3:And when you can figure out all those little hiding spots and everything else that it hits, that it jumps back on you. You've won, you've conquered that. And when you conquer it, kevin, there's nothing that you could ever not do in your life. You are empowered, you're strong, you're like a damn lion and there's nothing that could ever stop you because you own that now. Right, that's the whole part of it. So I'm not a big believer in like getting over it or anything else, but you can overcome it for sure, and I put a guide on my website. I built this like just 12 page, really easy to read guide has three different stories and it teaches you how to go through what I just experienced or what I explained, and it also has some education on how you can reach out and be a force for others that are might be going through something similar, to help others in a time of need as well.
Speaker 2:So, todd Bly, 11.com is where you can go to get that. So I think you've already answered my question that I was going to ask. But because you have physical stature, because you are a strong individual who carried 30 plus bodies off of the battlefield, basically mental strength to me sounds like it's more powerful than physical strength 100.
Speaker 3:You have to mentally will yourself to keep your boots moving forward, to stand up, to walk tall again for yourself and and help others walk tall for them themselves. Uh, the mental approach you know, uh, it goes back to even my baseball days. Talking to guys like Kenny Revisa the late Kenny Revisa. That was one of the best sports psychology minds in all of baseball and you know he used to tell us all that if we would throw a ball, or throw two balls, or throw three balls at the pitcher to walk around and identify something out in the field that allowed your mind to escape to that moment, whether it was a tree in the field that allowed your mind to escape to that moment, whether it was a tree in the outfield or some force from a pillar how did that pillar get there? What was that tree like? But it was just about mind separation, right, and then to refocus yourself and get back on that rubber and toe up and deliver the best pitch possible. And that's all we're trying to do in life.
Speaker 3:Every day, something knocks you back, right, and it's not as anything to do with your physical form, but mentally. We get knocked down every day, especially in the society that we live in the news. You know we're attached to our phones. We get a notification that something God forbid happened in our neighborhood or there's something going on overseas or whatever that is that's directly impacting our own anxiety levels. So you need to be able to embrace that. Understand where you're at, build a safe spot around your home or in a room or while you're out. Understand how to get yourself to that centered self again where you're safe and you're strong, and then refocus and take your boot and move it forward.
Speaker 2:So the mental aspect is huge. Is that still something that you're learning how to do seven years later?
Speaker 3:I learn every single day, kevin, because you never know what is going to happen. You get a different call, different anxiety level that pops up, but I've tried to just learn, continue to learn, never think that you know everything. I'm on a couple different boards with some trauma response teams Restoration Ranch in Colorado that does some amazing work for first responders. I talk to Navy SEALs all kinds of different people that have experienced a lot of really bad things, from business leaders to sports professionals, to my faith and just having that divine connection.
Speaker 3:It's not hard. If you just want it, then you do it. And if you don't, you know my birthday just passed and you know I turned 40 again. Why? Because I liked being 40 and I just want to be 40. I don't want to be 50 some odd years old. You know I want to be 40. And so mentally I'm going to be 40. I don't want to be 50 some odd years old. You know I want to be 40. And so mentally I'm going to do that because I feel that way. So, yeah, just walk tall for yourself.
Speaker 2:Oh, brother, I still feel like I'm 18.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there you go. Well, I got the gray right here.
Speaker 2:So oh man, I'm, I'm, I'm pushing 55, my friend. So yeah, I've got considerably more gray than you. So well, hey man. Um, you know there is no such thing as a physical hall of fame of life, but you're a first baller, bro.
Speaker 3:I appreciate that very much.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely and uh, toddbly11.com is where you can go. I highly encourage you to go there because there's a lot of uh, a lot of information there about how do you deal with PTSD. There's a lot of information there about how to deal with PTSD. There's a lot of TED Talks that you've done on your YouTube channel. Also, listen to the I'm Going In podcast Fantastic stuff. You get great guests on there all the time. So, thank you for coming on the Fuzzy Mike, and hey, man, thanks for being a friend.
Speaker 3:Kevin, yeah, definitely. We've connected a few times and this was an absolute blast. You're a super pro and I really appreciate you having me on your show. It's pretty awesome.
Speaker 2:You know a lot of people consider athletes heroes. They're capable of doing spectacular things, stuff that so few can do, which is inspiring for sure. And Todd saw up close and very personally what many Pittsburghers consider heroic efforts from their World Series winning baseball team of 1979. They were only the fourth team at the time in Major League Baseball history to come back from a three games to one deficit to win the World Series. But, friends, it was a then seven-year-old boy, bright-eyed and tomato-faced, who was the biggest hero on that bench. We just didn't know it yet.
Speaker 2:My thanks to Todd Blylevin for sharing his story and giving us some instructions and ways to cope with our own trauma. You can follow Todd on his podcast. I'm Going In and through his website, toddblylevincom. And don't forget, on Wednesdays, my 25-year morning radio partner, tim Tuttle, and I bring you the Tuttle Kline show on these same sites where you're listening to the Fuzzy Mike. It's unscripted, unfiltered and, yeah, unbelievably funny. My weekly favor is that you help me build the Fuzzy Mike audience. You can do this by telling someone about the podcast, sharing it on your social pages or by giving it a rating. The Fuzzy Mike is hosted and produced by Kevin Kline. The Fuzzy Mike. Professional voice guy is my friend Zach Sheesh from the Radio Farm. Social media director is Trish Klein. Thank you for sharing your time with me. I'm grateful See you on the next episode.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to this episode of the Fuzzy Mike with Kevin Klein. Check back often and stay fuzzy friends. No-transcript.